My PCOS Story + 2 month update
DISCLAIMER/TRIGGER WARNING: The information below is not meant to diagnose, treat or cure any illness and and should not be used as a substitute for professional medical care. Please consult with your physician prior to beginning a supplement or treatment program. This also touches on very intimate, often overlooked symptoms of disordered eating. The post goes over negative self talk, certain ED behaviors, body image, and misuse of prescription medication that may bring up emotions for some. If you don’t feel strong enough in your recovery to read or feel intense emotions along the way, please exercise self love and listen to that intuitive part of you.
I knew something was wrong… I just didn’t know what i was looking for
I don't think I ever liked my body. Regardless of its size, there was always something to pick apart. My skin, my love handles, my cheeks, my stomach. I criticized myself for as long as I can remember. Never satisfied.
I grew up an athlete. A pretty good one. My competitive nature sparked my passion for sports, specifically soccer, & my life was pretty much that for 11 years. Freshman year of high school someone said I didn't look like I played soccer. I looked at her hurt & confused, "what? why?" I knew what she meant. She meant I looked too fat to play soccer. I was a size 4. I had a fucking 6-pack. That wasn't the first time someone commented on my weight. I was 13 years old.
Fast forward to my 2nd semester of junior year, I was medicated for my depression. Over medicated. In less than a year I gained 30+ lbs. I lost my period. I had acne for the 1st time in my life. My emotions were gone. The weight kept rising over the next 2 years until I didn't recognize myself in the mirror. The medicine was supposed to be helping, but I felt further from myself than ever and I was too numb to care.
After a year of playing college soccer, I decided to shift my focus. I broke my foot, the weight slowed me down, my game changed. I didn't love it anymore. I decided to transfer my sophomore year. At this point, I decided I was done with the meds... all except one. I was taking a high dose of Vyvanse to counteract the other meds. The Vyvanse alone quickly became a completely different experience. Days without eating, nights without sleeping, heart palpitations, anxiety attacks, & everything in between. Irregular af period. I was strung out. But I had lost almost all the weight from the other meds so I didn't care... I wanted to keep it off and I thought this was the only way I could.
This lifestyle clearly wasn't sustainable. After my last prescription ended I would still find ways to take it. It felt like a necessity. I was scared without it the weight would come back. Until one night I was studying with friends and ended up in the hospital with a resting heart rate of 150 from an anxiety attack. This was my breaking point.
I had to slow down.. & so I did.
This was the first time I started to take my health seriously. I came back to my coping mechanisms from therapy, the holistic practices my mom taught me, and started thinking about food a little more. Slowly but surely my period came back but would come & go depending on my stress levels. My PMS each time would get worse & worse. My weight, despite my healthy eating, kept going up with no end in sight.
But I was trying.
It wasn't until after college I was able to stay consistent. A couple whole30s later I was eating a mostly paleo diet that quickly turned into an obsession of eating as healthy as possible. Anxiety surrounding bread and dairy would turn into self-deprecation when I did indulge. I was over-exercising and under eating. All the while having the most painful periods, intense mood swings, and weight gain. Cramps that would shoot down my legs and pulsate my feet. Mood swings that made me feel like I had a light switch in my head. Weight gain that protruded my stomach.
I was obsessed with healing. I never worked so hard in my life and kept coming up short. I knew something was off.
For the past 5 years I've been searching for the answers to my battle surrounding my reproductive, digestive, & physical health. In January 2021, I was finishing my 9th whole30 and was feeling like complete shit. I was tired, I was the heaviest I’ve ever weighed despite my dedicated workout schedule and paleo-ish diet. I was frustrated beyond words. I was planning my annual gynecologist appointment and wanted to come through with receipts. I was walking out of there with answers. I was exhausted. I was so angry, mostly with myself. It seemed as if we’ve ruled out everything else and this would be my answer to everything. A couple hours later, I walked out of the appointment formally diagnosed.
Polycystic ovarian syndrome - a hormonal, metabolic condition in which the ovaries produce an abnormal amount of androgens which can cause cysts on the ovaries, insulin resistance, &/or irregular periods.
PCOS is one of the most common causes of female infertility, affecting 6% to 12% (as many as 5 million) of US women of reproductive age. But it’s a lot more than that. This lifelong health condition continues far beyond the child-bearing years.
Women with PCOS are often insulin resistant; their bodies can make insulin but can’t use it effectively, increasing their risk for type 2 diabetes. They also have higher levels of androgens (male hormones that females also have), which can stop eggs from being released (ovulation) and cause irregular periods, acne, thinning scalp hair, and excess hair growth on the face and body.
Women with PCOS can develop serious health problems, especially if they are overweight:
Diabetes—more than half of women with PCOS develop type 2 diabetes by age 40
Gestational diabetes (diabetes when pregnant)—which puts the pregnancy and baby at risk and can lead to type 2 diabetes later in life for both mother and child
Heart disease—women with PCOS are at higher risk, and risk increases with age
High blood pressure—which can damage the heart, brain, and kidneys
High LDL (“bad”) cholesterol and low HDL (“good”) cholesterol—increasing the risk for heart disease
Sleep apneaexternal icon—a disorder that causes breathing to stop during sleep and raises the risk for heart disease and type 2 diabetes
Stroke—plaque (cholesterol and white blood cells) clogging blood vessels can lead to blood clots that in turn can cause a stroke
PCOS is also linked to depression and anxiety, though the connection is not fully understood.
I finally have a reason
I finally have an answer
I'm not crazy
It's not my fault
“There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.”
I personally have been struggling with irregular periods, abnormal weight gain, chronic stress, insulin resistance, ovarian cysts, anemia, depression, anxiety, cystic acne, and pre-diabetes. I didn’t know if I should cry of joy or cry out of fear. I got the answers I was looking for, but it was so much worse than I thought. I felt validated while also labeled. I felt excited while also terrified. I spent days researching, then crying, then researching, then crying again. I felt doomed.
I naturally eat a low-carb diet through my paleolithic eating style. I don’t eat a lot of processed foods. I limit my alcohol intake. I prioritize strength training over cardio. I meditate and do yoga every day. I don’t understand what else I can do to slow down my symptoms and what feels like a laundry list of diagnosis.
But… I’m already doing everything I’m supposed to?
I honestly think I felt more frustrated after the diagnosis than I was before. I wanted a simple solution and I quickly realized that’s not what this was going to be. Since my diagnosis, I worked with my gynecologist and naturopathic doctor to come up with a lifestyle protocol and will do my scheduled blood work again in April. Since January, I had to say goodbye to intense workouts (Bye bye Peloton :( ) and ensure I’m sticking to my supplement regimen. This is what I have since implemented into my life… and while I cannot say I’ve lost weight or have had life changing shifts in 2 months, I’ve felt a little bit more connected with my body and at the end of the day, that’s what all this is about, right?
FOOD:
Body Love by Kelly LeVeque
So while I haven’t changed much of what I eat from a day-to-day, I try to be more mindful of my macronutrients to ensure I am getting enough fat and protein into my diet. I have been following Kelly LeVeque’s fab4 protocol when it comes to my morning smoothies and meals in efforts to stabilize my blood sugar. Our pancreas creates a hormone called insulin that is released into the blood steam to regulate blood sugar. However, this process becomes more difficult when you are insulin resistant. My body does not use insulin effectively and has a hard time keeping my blood sugar regulated, which causes a build up in my bloodstream. But increased insulin also causes weight gain in the abdominal area because the over production turns into fat. When we eat sugar (or other carbohydrate-rich foods that are quickly processed into blood sugar), the pancreas goes into overdrive to produce the insulin necessary for all the new blood sugar to be stored. This insulin surge tells our body that plenty of energy is available, and that it should stop burning fat and start storing it. So… there’s clearly a lot of confusion going on in there. To naturally balance my blood sugar, I try to avoid simple carbohydrates and hidden sugar while focusing on eating fat, protein and fiber-rich meals. My goal is to eat 25-35 grams of protein per meal, paired with 2 tbsp. of fat while focusing on fibrous green vegetables. I don’t count macros so I do this all intuitively.
SUPPLEMENTS:
DISCLAIMER: Please consult your doctor prior to beginning any supplement programs.
Inositol Powder: 1/2 - 1 teaspoon 2-4x daily in water, tea, or my morning smoothies
Benefits: aids in blood sugar control by improving insulin sensitivity
Phosphatidylserine: 1-3 capsules before bed
Benefits: reduces cortisol levels and promotes mental health
Iron Complex: 2 capsules daily for 3 months
Benefits: supports energy and improves anemia symptoms
B12: 1 tab daily
Benefits: supports energy, improves anemia symptoms, and supports a healthy nervous system
Vitamin D: 1 capsule daily
Benefits: supports immune system and sleep, boosts energy levels, helps with calcium absorption
Iodine Potassium Iodide: 1 capsule daily
Benefits: Supports thyroid function
Stress B-Complex: 1 capsule daily
Benefits: reduce anxiety and support liver detoxification
Probiotic: 1-2 capsules with each meal
Benefits: happy gut, happy life!
Chaste Tree Berry: 1 capsule daily
Benefits: PMS support
Magnesium (malate, lysinate, glycinate, chelate): 2 capsules before bed
Benefits: supports sleep, anxiety, and inflammation
Organifi Harmony: 1 scoop a day (‘RIVYOURBESTLIFE’ gets you 15% off)
Benefits: supports balancing hormones and reducing cramps, bloating, and other PMS symptoms
Elix Cycle Balance: 3 droppers daily
Corydalis (Yan Hu Suo) analgesic, anti-inflammatory, sedative
Szechuan lovage (Chuan Xiong) reduces spasms, pain, & inflammation
White Peony Root (Bai Shao) blood builder, pain reliever, & spasm reducer
Poria (Fu Ling) energizing & balancing
Angelica Sinensis (Dang Gui) regulates hormones & anti-inflammatory
Safflower (Hong Hua) increases blood flow & decreases inflammation
Skullcap (Huang Qin) reduces insomnia, pain, & anxiety
Atractylodes (Bai Zhu) Increases mental clarity, balancing & energizing
Ginger (Pao Jiang) anti-inflammatory & GI regulator
Bupleurum (Chai Hu) anti-inflammatory, antioxidant & pain reliever
Peppermint (Bo He) mood regulator, anti-inflammatory & pain reliever
Licorice (Gan Cao) anti-inflammatory, GI regulator & formula balancer
Moutan Cortex (Mu Dan Pi) pain reliever, anti-inflammatory & balancing
Gardenia Pod (Zhi Zi) anti-inflammatory & mood regulator
Cyperus (Xiang Fu) hormone regulator, antioxidant & pain reliever
Motherwort (Yi Mu Cao) uterine soother, anti-inflammatory & antioxidant
EXERCISE:
Pre-diagnosis, I did it all when it came to exercising. I felt like I was never able to stick with a program or specific style of working out because I liked it all, I wanted to be good at it all. I did HIIT, strength training, yoga (of course), cycling (HELLO Peloton!!), boxing, Pilates, reformer, pretty much anything and everything. It wasn’t until I decided to do a Peloton class every day in January, I realized working out this much might actually be doing more harm than good. But I loved working out. It was my safe haven. While I definitely wasn’t working out as much as I was back in 2018-2019 time, I was prioritizing harder, higher intensity workouts. This strategy eventually left me feeling more fatigued than anything. I remember one Saturday I did a 45-minute bike bootcamp via Peloton. Not only could I barely finish it, but I was in bed for the rest of the day. Never did I used to feel completely depleted from a workout, so I knew at this point I wasn’t doing myself any favors. But I was feeling so bad about myself and my body that I didn’t know what else to do.
My naturopath expressed her concern and advised I shift to only low impact workouts like walking and restorative yoga. Walking? In the middle of a Chicago winter? Cue anxiety. My yoga practice has already shifted to a slower, more restorative style since quarantine but of course, that wasn’t enough for me. I researched different workouts that were great for women with PCOS and I knew I wanted to keep resistance training in my workout regime aside from Vinyasa/power yoga. With concerns about my chronic fatigue and high cortisol, I knew it would be a while before I could start lifting heavy again. I found Melissa Wood Health through Instagram and quickly fell in love with her approach to fitness. Her classes are hard af, but also very chill. The MWH Method is a series of precise low impact movements centered around Pilates and yoga. I’ve been doing these workouts 3-4x a week, along with a daily yoga practice, and a couple long outside walks (now that Chicago is seeing some warmer weather). Every once and a while, I’ll throw in a 10-minute peloton arm toning class if I am looking for a little more intensity. Shifting my workout approach has definitely allowed me to have more energy throughout the day and feel a deep sense of calm after working out rather than fatigue.
MIND:
I would be lying if I told you I wasn’t struggling. I would be lying if I told you this wasn’t hard and didn’t impact me every single day. What I have found to be the most important is to make sure I am being so kind and patient with myself. To ensure I am not sitting in my emotions. These are a couple coping mechanisms I’ve been doing since before and/or after my diagnosis.
Therapy 1x a week
Meditating 5-7x a week, I love the app insight timer
Journaling 5-7x a week
daily brain dumps & GAMA approach
GRATITUDE. AFFIRMATIONS. MANIFESTATIONS. ACTIONS.
Crying whenever I please
Will I ever Lose Weight? Will I ever go back to what I used to look like? Where do I go from here?
As I started implementing these new protocols into my life, I couldn’t help but shift into old ways of thinking. Thinking of this as another diet. Another strategy to lose weight so I can be happy.
But the hard truth is this is my life now. This has always been my life. There is no end to my diagnosis. There is no cure. It is knowing that I need to continually be mindful, connected, patient, and accepting of myself. It is knowing that I can be happy as I am. It is knowing that I have a condition that is beyond simple lifestyle factors. It is knowing that every “expert” on social media does not know story, my struggle, my pain and their advice may work for some but not for me. It’s trusting myself. It’s knowing I am my biggest advocate. It’s knowing that I can ask for help when I feel lost. It’s knowing that I am not alone and neither are you.
Do you have PCOS? if so, how has it affected your life? What have you found to help?
